LITTLE ROCK, Ark. – Wal-Mart kicked off its new, employee “Vote Stupid” campaign recently by calling managers to mandatory meetings where they were encouraged to be, well, stupider.

“You’re already a little daft to be working for an evil empire like ours,” Wal-Mart officials reportedly told managers in such meetings. “But there are ways you can be much, much thicker. That’s what the Vote Stupid campaign is all about. This is your time. Vote against your best interests. Vote Stupid.”

Wal-Mart informed employees that by voting against their own best interests — by voting against Democrats promoting legislation to make union organizing easier inside union-busting companies like Wal-Mart — they’d be selflessly voting in the best interests of others, namely Wal-Mart’s.

The company says its multi-million dollar, Vote Stupid outreach program is just another one of the ways Wal-Mart shows its employee “family” it cares.

“We treat all our employees like family,” said Wal-Mart officials. “Being an Arkansas company, that has sometimes been a problem. But not as much as it used to be. These days, it’s mostly just chaining doors shut to keep cleaning crews inside, that kind of stuff.”

Wal-Mart considers their Vote Stupid campaign not only pro-family, but pro-American.

“Bottom line, this country just does better when our employees don’t.”