It’s 3 a.m. The phone rings… It’s Bill Clinton. He wants to party…

by doglord

“Hey, Sweet Cakes, what you wearin’?”

These are the words I hear, spoken in a familiar voice —Arkansas twang, erudite — when I answer my phone one recent late, late night.

“Disgraced former president Bill Clinton?” I rasp, sounding, I realize too late, like CNN’s Candy Crawley, or possibly Monica Lewinsky.

“I love it when you growl at me, you little minx,” the disgraced former President of the United States grrrrs back, under his breath. “Sorry for whispering, but Hill isn’t sleeping all that well, lately.”

And here I thought she wanted to be the one answering the 3 a.m. calls.

“Not to worry, she’s got the pillow over her head,” the disgraced former POTUS continues in a hushed voice. “What did you say you were wearing?” 

BLEEP-BLEEP. The line bleeps rhythmically.

“Hold that thought, Scrumptious rumptious,” the disgraced former POTUS — who’s obviously also heard the bleeps — coos. “Hill must be gettin’ a call. This is her line-”

BLEEP-BLEEP–

My mind reels as Bill jumps to the other line.I sit in the dark, holding the phone, wondering who he thinks he’s just drunk-dialed. Hasn’t he figured out I’m a dude? Are we all going to die?

BLEEP-BLEEP

“Scrumptious?” Bill returns to the line. “Hey, I gotta go. I’ll-”

“National security?” I blurt out, wanting to show solidarity and appear with it.

“What? Oh, no. Naw…” the former Pres says, sounding sheepish. “It’s CNN’s Candy Crawley– But we’re just friends. Text you later.”

CLICK

And like that, my 3 a.m. call with the Clintons is over. Jarred from a sound sleep in the middle of the night though I am, I breath a sigh of relief…

Just knowing that the potential next POTUS shares a bed with a disgraced former POTUS reminds me we’re all only human after all. — Except for those of us who are spunk monkeys.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 4th, 2008 at 12:23 am and is filed under Breaking News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 Comment so far


  1. 1 anosila on March 19, 2008 8:53 pm

    Wish he was my neighbor…

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