desperate man


Report Showing Men Who Do Housework Get More Sex Causes Run on Home Cleaning Products

by doglord

Grocers and hardware retailers nationwide have seen a run on house cleaning products after a report was released early today showing males who perform housework get more sex.

“I’ve never seen so many guys loading up on Swiffers in my life,” said Bunny Hoover, Southeast Regional Manager for Piggly Wiggly supermarkets. “The Brawny and Mr. Clean were first to go at most of our locations. We had reports from a Myrtle Beach store of men jousting in the aisles with sponge mops.”

Reports of fisticuffs over basin, tub ‘n tile cleaners and Tidy Bowl were common among store owners, even coming from retirement communities like Sun City, AZ, where pharmacies reported a parallel upswing in smash & grab robberies of Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.

“We were pretty much out of any and all housecleaning products by noon,” said a shaken Los Angeles 99-Cents Store checker. “I must’ve had twenty guys on the express lane offer to do my laundry. I felt…unclean.”

Piggly Wiggly’s Hoover told of men loitering outside stores hoping to find house-cleaning work, while one former online publisher was reportedly seen outside a Venice, CA Ralph’s with a full janitorial cart.

Construction foreman reported a big drop in the number of men looking for day laborer work as more and more sought domestic cleaning oppotunities including lining drawers with contact paper and canning pickles.

By press time, the first reports of a backlash were coming in. A Denver-area Peapod driver told of one exhausted-looking housewife refusing delivery of her husband’s second pallet of Scrubbing Bubbles that day.

In related business news: House Cleaning Stocks Spurt Up on Reports Housework = More Sex.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, March 6th, 2008 at 11:08 pm and is filed under Front Page News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Comments so far


  1. 1 Frank the Crank on March 7, 2008 2:37 am

    Dear Dog………… This is just one of your youthful, wet dreams lingering in the deep, dark recesses of your warped mind……. A couple of tall glasses of prune juice is recommended…….. always works for me 😉

  2. 2 Lars Steelpeter on March 7, 2008 6:46 pm

    Doglord,

    As the proprietor of an Encino-based nude housecleaning service and a transgender individual, I want to thank you for the fierce bravery you’ve exhibited in going on record about this fast-spreading epidemic.

    I should also note that your account with us is seriously past-due.

    Lars Steelpeter

  3. 3 Deetrak on March 22, 2008 3:52 pm

    Please, it hurts to laugh so much. Stop the madness.

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