Clinton to Continue Campaign After Convention, Election, Immolation of Earth by Sun

by doglord

Despite mounting pressure from Democratic party leaders for Hillary Clinton to end her campaign to be the party’s nominee for president, Hillary Clinton today insisted she has “no intention whatsoever of quitting the race…ever.”

“I will be running up-to-and-beyond the convention in August, through the general election in November and, if necessary, until the Sun consumes the Earth in a gaseous ball of flame six billion years from now,” said Clinton.

Asked by reporters how she could justify staying in the race in spite of nearly impossible odds of winning short of calamity befalling Obama, she insisted she’s doing all she can to see that calamity befalls Obama.

“I curse him several times a day by spitting between two fingers,” Clinton said. “As well, my chief strategist, Mark Penn, has officially left my campaign so that he can unofficially continue his daily hatchet jobs.”

Clinton told reporters that if John McCain can keep America in Iraq for the next hundred years, she can certainly stay in the race for the next six billion.

“I mean, accidents happen,” Clinton told reporters. “I mean, Obama’s gonna kick the bucket eventually, and when he does, I’ll be waiting — if necessary in a specially designed cryogenic bed I got from cash-strapped Michael Jackson — to be returned to my rightful place in the White House.”


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This entry was posted on Monday, April 7th, 2008 at 11:38 pm and is filed under Breaking News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 Comment so far


  1. 1 anosila on April 10, 2008 1:49 am

    you go girl!

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