VENICE, CA — Saying someone has run amok here is like saying someone has run to the corner for a 2-liter Diet Coke, curly fries and a copy of Barely Legal anywhere else in America, which is to say Happens all the time. Getting noticed for acting out in the town where acting out is a high art form (in every sense of the word “high”) is no easy thing.
Dude did it the other night.
Granted, I wasn’t breathless enough to go all Breaking News on the story (read: Treat it like news worth racing to publish).
Still, a whacked out dude in a van going demolition derby on a reported ten parked cars before reportedly sticking emergency officials trying to subdue him with a reported syringe needle before he was reportedly Tasered® by LAPD — that, my friends, at least deserves honorable mention.
There were enough emergency personnel and vehicles, media crews and local yahoos at the scene of the crime (Washington Blvd and Strongs Canal) to make you think Britney Spears had fueled up on free liquor at Cabo Cantina (picture Best Buys with booze) before getting behind the wheel to head back to the Valley.
Alas, the paparazzi weren’t interested enough in the perp on the backboard being loaded into the ambulance for BS to be involved.
Still, the subdued dude put the aggro valets from the local Italian theme restaurant to shame. I mean, at least one car he slammed looked like it had been gang-banged by a group of depraved Transformers.
I almost wish I’d parked my car in the madman’s path. I’ve been dying for a cherry red Prius to roll around Brentwood in. The insurance money could have been my down payment.
Damn you, crazy man! Why’d you go sticking a cop with a spike? You’d probably be back on the street again if all you’d done is ram a bunch of cars without hurting anybody. I do it all the time. It’s called parallel parking!
Anyway, get out of jail soon and come start me on my way to that red Prius.