Mistake #3


The 5 (Other) Mistakes Clinton Made

by doglord

In its Clinton campaign post-mortem today, Time magazine listed five mistakes Hillary Clinton made in her failed attempt to win the Democratic party’s nomination for president: Being clueless about the country’s mood, not bothering to learn the rules, blowing off the caucus states…blah blah blah.

What Time didn’t mention were the 5 REAL reasons her campaign screwed the pooch:

1. Pants suit jokes: Even people (like me) who wear pants suits don’t think they’re funny. And I’m a dude. Joking about pants suits is like joking about male camel toe. Ew. I think I just vomited in my mouth a little.

2. “Finding her voice”…again and again and again: Note to someone who finds their voice only AFTER claiming to be ready to lead, day one: What, you were planning to mime the State of the Union? You only JUST found your voice? You’ve had 35 years of experience at what, passing notes?

3. Trying to prove you have a bigger dick than Obama by behaving like a Republican: Ms. Clinton — Republicans have teensy weensy little dicks, they only behave like big dicks. Plus, everybody already knows you’ve got a big dick…and his name is Bill. And they’ve had quite enough of that dick.

4. Claiming to be from Scranton: You went to Yale. No one from Scranton goes to Yale. Notre Dame, maybe. Yale’s for pussies. To your credit, you are definitely not a pussy (maybe don’t tell people you went to Yale).

5. Running for President: One of the most laughable things anyone can imagine themselves doing. You went to Yale and got good grades (unlike Dubya, who went to Yale and barely passed Glee Club). Everybody knows you’re smart. No one with a lick of sense wants that gig. You ask me, you just dodged a bullet.


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