The Cocky Grow Cockier: Athletes Abuse Viagra

by doglord

Revelations that famously cocky Roger Clemens — as well as hordes of other professional athletes — regularly used Viagra to enhance onfield performance are roiling the sports world today. And you thought it couldn’t get any harder for the All-Star pitcher.

“That’s hard on baseball,” said baseball fan Dick Hardy, referring to today’s report in the NY Daily News, not the type of game being played. “Still, MLB has been looking for ways to bring excitement back to the game, and if my wife’s any indication, Viagra oughta do it. I can’t keep the little minx off me.”

According to today’s report in the NY Daily News, Viagra — or Vitamin V — is “BIGGER than creatine, (emphasis added), it’s the BIGGEST product in nutritional supplements.” That’s a whole lot of BIGGER, something Clemens may have needed after all those years of doing steroids, which are widely known for making men smaller. Much smaller.

“Athletes like Clemens are under enormous pressure to perform.” Hardy admits. “Particularly when they’re traveling with 15-year-old country singers.”

Investigations are underway to determine if Viagra can be used to cheat in sports competitions. It’s already widely used for cheating off the field, as Clemens’ traveling with 15-year-old country singers while married demonstrates.

“Yes, it’s for cheaters,” Hardy admits. “I cheat on my wife all the time. I don’t mean to, but that Viagra just gets impotent dudes like me and Clemens feeling cocky as John Holmes.”

In related news, jock strap companies are thriving, as Viagra-suffused athletes double and triple up with athletic supporters to mask the effects of the drug.

Topic: Breaking News | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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