CESENA, ITALY — An Italian couple caught having sex in a church confessional during morning Mass have apologized after being told that playing hide the holy cannoli in confessionals is is only for the clergy.
“We’ve been doing it in confessionals since we were kids,” said the young couple in a joint statement. “But only with priests, come to think of it.”
A “Mass of reparation” was performed in the cathedral where the couple crashed the offending custard truck. Vatican officials were asked whether similar Masses would be performed in other cathedrals where confessionals were used for sex.
“Please, all we’d be doing is Masses of reparation,” said a Vatican spokesperson. “Pretty much every Catholic Church in the world has confessionals, which, if you think about it, aren’t all that different than those private booths in Times Square porn shops…I’m told.”
“What do you think guys who never, ever get laid think about when they’re alone in the dark in private booths with parishioners, seeing God?”