brain-boosting drugs

Breakthroughs by Scientists On Brain-Boost Drugs Nullified

by doglord

In the wake of reports that over 20 percent of scientists use brain-boosting drugs, the Intl. Science Committee (ISC) announced today that results of any and all science performed with the aid of such drugs would — like Olympic medals won using performance-enhancing drugs — be thrown out.

“All breakthroughs, discoveries and cures achieved by cheating are hereby nullified…even if they do cure cancer,” said ISC spokesperson, Dr. Lucius Taint. “Our regrets to those with cancer…best get your affairs in order.”

Taint likened such collateral damage to that of confessed steroid user Marion Jones’ relay teammates. Though none of them tested positive for drug-use, because teammate and relay anchor Jones did, all their gold medals were nullified and their lives turned to s**t.

Taint also insisted that breakthroughs like saving the planet and curing cancer that result from scientists using brain-enhancing drugs set a bad example for kids.

“Chemicals are for chemistry, not humans…except the chemicals we already use,” insisted Taint. “A cure for cancer achieved by using brain-enhancing drugs is a cancer on a cure for cancer.”





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