watermelon rioter


“Nature’s Viagra” watermelon placed on endangered list after Marina Del Rey riots

by doglord

MARINA DEL REY, CA — The Environmental Protection Agency today placed watermelon on the endangered species list after reports that the fleshy fruit is nature’s Viagra sparked hoarding and riots in Marina Del Rey, Calif, home to the world’s largest concentration of aging horn dogs.

“Watermelon has not previously been cultivated for wood,” said EPA spokesman Kent Gethardt, after visiting an area Ralph’s Market, site of some of the fiercest fighting over what many are now calling nature’s true passion fruit.

“These poor old spunkers looking to save money on their Viagra bills, they never had a chance. It was inevitable the world watermelon population would be ravaged…along with a lot of eHarmony dates and anyone coming between a 70-year-old and a melon.”

Gethardt noted that enough dysfunctional dudes had died fighting over watermelon in this E.D. mecca of late that the fruit might still recover — assuming the Chinese stick to black rhino horn and bear liver for their manhoodly needs.

“It’s hard to blame dirty old men for putting such pressure on the world watermelon population: I, myself, am putting tremendous pressure on the fruit — and my zipper — as we speak. This watermelon is hard to beat, but me? Like butter. Stick butter.”

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This entry was posted on Thursday, July 17th, 2008 at 8:58 pm and is filed under Front Page News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 Comments so far


  1. 1 “Nature’s Viagra” watermelon placed on endangered list after … on July 17, 2008 9:21 pm

    […] Go to the author’s original blog: “Nature’s Viagra” watermelon placed on endangered list after … […]

  2. 2 Deetrak on July 18, 2008 4:41 pm

    I don’t wanna be the guy who said I told you so, but I predicted this would happen and even in the face of all those naysayers I stuck to my melons.

  3. 3 anosila on July 18, 2008 5:26 pm

    gruesome…

  4. 4 frank90291 on July 31, 2008 6:43 am

    as i was walking by the blue box on the corner i heard someone scream: “BRING ME THE BUTTER !!!”……….. than i swear i saw a gray cat running down speedway with a blue thong in it’s mouth………. more later!

  5. 5 frank90291 on August 2, 2008 2:12 am

    FOR ALL YOU BUSH LOVERS………
    the phrase “bring me the butter’ is from the movie “Last Tango In Paris” ( not that Paris )…….. in the movie you can see the “bush” I refer to here…….. It’s a young Maria Schneider’s bush and a beautiful sight to behold……… ;-o

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