USDA: Slaughterhouse Inhumane. Food Animals: Ya Think?


USDA: “Slaughterhouse Inhumane” Cattle: “Ya Think?”

by doglord

After examining video recently shot at a Chino, California slaughterhouse, the USDA has concluded its practices are inhumane.

“Duh,” said League of Meat Animals spoke-steer Bo Vine, from a teeming holding pen outside the Chino facility.

“Last time I checked, there wasn’t a lot of frikkin disagreement about the humanity of slaughterhouses. But, then, I’m just a stupid cow, what do I know?”

Besides these and other, understandably complicated sentiments from Vine (“You think I’m looking forward to my afterlife…AS A CHEESEBURGER?”), DI has not found edible animals as a whole to be making a big stink about the USDA revelations. Vine disagreed, and would have locked horns with us if his horns hadn’t been sawed off and sold to glue makers.

“First off, it’s a little tough to express complex thoughts when all you do is low,” Vine lowed. “And secondly, don’t tell me we’re not making a big stink.”

“I was caught in a traffic jam downwind of these stockyards when they were trucking me in,” Vine told DI. The stockyards are the last home for something like 10 million cattle-a-minute.

“It was life-changing!” Vine says. “It reeked so bad I thought I was being slaughtered. I blew cud-chunks all over my truck-mates. And I have, like, nine stomachs…”

Vine spoke to DI while standing in calf-deep offal and there was no mistaking his mood.

“I feel like a pig in shit,” Vine bellowed, “and I don’t mean that in a good way.”

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