LOS ANGLES, CA—A day after 52-year-old Los Angeles traffic officer Macrida Patterson filed suit against Victoria’s Secret, claiming a decorative jewel from one of the company’s thongs had shot into her eye, scratching her cornea and causing her to cry out in pain, a California man has joined the lawsuit, claiming the same model thong “really hurt my balls.”
Man joins Victoria’s Secret thong injury lawsuit, claims thong “hurt my balls” on 2520 2008
Pentagon Gets Corporate Sponsors, New Name: KBR-Halliburton-Blackwater Center on 2518 2008
ARLINGTON, VA—First it was America’s sports stadiums that got corporate make-overs and skyboxes. Now it’s the country’s military installations. A spokesman for the military announced today that the armed forces will soon relocate from their current premises in the Pentagon to cut costs and make way for a make-over by the corporations actually waging the nation’s wars.
Couple caught doing it in confessional told that’s only for priests on 2411 2008
CESENA, ITALY — An Italian couple caught having sex in a church confessional during morning Mass have apologized after being told that playing hide the holy cannoli in confessionals is is only for the clergy.
Fox News Calls for “Terrorist Fist Jab” Internment Camps on 2410 2008
NEW YORK, NY — A week after correctly guessing that Barak Obama’s celebratory fist bump with his wife after securing the Democratic Party’s nomination for president, was, in fact a “terrorist fist jab,” Fox News is calling for the construction of hundreds of terrorist fist jab interment camps across the U.S.
The Cocky Grow Cockier: Athletes Abuse Viagra on 2410 2008
Revelations that famously cocky Roger Clemens — as well as hordes of other professional athletes — regularly used Viagra to enhance onfield performance are roiling the sports world today. And you thought it couldn’t get any harder for the All-Star pitcher.
McCain to hawk speechmaking DVD on 236 2008
NEW ORLEANS, LA — Having left audiences nationwide slack-jawed and dumbstruck by his Tuesday night speech before a green backdrop that makes it a snap to superimpose porno on, Republican senator and presidential hopeful John “That Weird Smile” McCain plans to cash in on the buzz he’s created by marketing a speechmaking DVD.
Rep. Rohrbacher’s interrogation-by-panty-hat obsession explained on 236 2008
WASH. D.C. — Puzzling many, illustrious conservative congressman Dana Rohrbacher (R-CA) managed to poo-poo panty hat torture eight times Wednesday during House Foreign Affairs Committee hearings on harsh interrogation tactics.
McCain adopts newer slogan: “I’m the white guy” on 235 2008
Days after co-opting the new campaign slogan “A leader we can believe in” from the Obama campaign, the McCain campaign is ditching it for a more concise message: “I’m the white guy.”
Get Waxed on 234 2008
My friends love this place. Plus, they got a Four Leaf rating in Greenopia’s Green Living Los Angeles guide. So what are you waiting for? The world needs more Brazilian bikini wax jobs. Way more.
Unruly Fashion on 234 2008
Trendy clothes — lots of Ed Hardy stuff — and Hustlerwear compete for attention in this boardwalk shop. They even have skateboards — Ed Hardy skateboards. I just bought a couple thongs there to use for my “Thonged Man denies armed robbery, decries discrimination” video. But they came from the sale basket, don’t judge the merch on my headwear choices. On the other hand, you need to get a stunt thong and a Hustler poster in a hurry, hurry on down.
