VENICE, CA — A Venice man got a wake-up call from Heaven this weekend when not one but all three members of the Holy Trinity appeared in his Lumbjack Special at the Lincoln Boulevard IHOP.

“I had just had a night of pretty heavy, well, sinning,” said Lance Francis. “Here I am with a bottle of ketchup ready to do further sacrilege — and suddenly I see the faces of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost beaming up at me from my plate. I fell to my knees. I believe I expressed fluids. I was that overcome.”

Francis had barely gotten off his phone from trademarking his Triplicate Miracle Meal®, when an outpouring of the faithful — intent on seeing the likeness of the Holy Trinity in a stack of Swedish pancakes, sausage and two eggs over-easy — forced authorities to lock down four city blocks surrounding the IHOP.

“There were so many people with candles and flowers I thought maybe someone had died,” Francis said, of the scene.

“Instead, something came back to life inside of me: my faith in God. I mean, here I am a few hours ago just hittin’ it with this total hottie — totally out of wedlock, you know? I shower, head over to the IHOP and next thing you know the Holy Trinity appears in my grub and Mirage casino’s on the phone offering me 50K for it! What’s not to have faith in God about? That’s good damn karma, am I right?”

Larry Lynn, general manager of Las Vega’s MGM Mirage, confirmed that the casino had purchased Francis’ holy platter, but said it wasn’t about to exploit the miracle meal for monetary gain.

“We believe we’re serving our guests when we bring them a religious spectacle of this nature,” said Lynn. “That lumberjack special is Wayne Newton big. It’s bigger than the Pope! We would never seek to exploit it for monetary gain, never.”

As for IHOP employees, fry cook Jesus DeSilva summed it up thusly: “I knew there was something special going on when Margarita picked up that order from me…but I had no idea it was gonna involve so many people crying over one of my meals.”

That’s divine dining for you.