VENICE, FL — Sentenced Wednesday to 25 years in federal prison for scamming scores of seniors out of their life savings, Lou Pearlman, the chubby/creepy/purvy dude responsible for the boy band plague was positively upbeat.
“Talk about ‘Don’t throw me in the briar patch,'” said Pearlman. “I feel like I just hit the lottery!”
Indeed, Pearlman, who created creepy dreamboat boy bands Backstreet Boys and N’Sync, was already hyping his next act, B’hind Barz.
“If life hands you lemons, make a boy band,” Pearlman said. “B’hind Barz is going to do for prison what High School Musical did for high school — only way creepier.”
Ever fond of alliteration and ‘postrophies, Pearlman has already trademarked B’hind Barz and says he’s hoping to create a reality show about putting the band together behind, well, barz.
“The good, the bad, the strip-searches…” Pearlman says, growing wistful. “Boy bands are the most important thing in my life. Not that bilking hundreds of millions of dollars from vulnerable old people wasn’t pretty cool. But it could never compare to the Backstreet Boys. Until they got too old and I created N’Sync. Until they got older and sued me. Little b*stards.”