David Blaine Thrills By Escaping Notice!

by doglord

With his latest nauseating feat of public masochism, master escape artist David Blaine has finally accomplished what many have waited with baited breath for the prestidigitator to do: He’s completely escaped notice!

Thrilling pretty much everyone in the world by utterly disappearing from their consciousnesses after having badly freaked them out in the past, Blaine at last suffers in solitude.

“This is tougher than having my pruney dead skin slough off before an international audience outside Lincoln Center,” the magician-for-the-masses said, wistfully recalling one of the more repulsive moments in recent crappy TV history, and causing at least one reporter to vomit in his mouth.

“No one knows or gives a shit what kind of creepy self-torture I’m putting myself through,” Blaine says, “which is almost harder than the creepy self-torture I’m putting myself through now, except that this particular creepy self-torture involves my foreskin.”

And yet, this born, dominatrix-bait of an impresario wouldn’t have it any other way.

“As long as it’s mortifying—as long as I’m completely humiliated by my work—and being totally ignored is truly humiliating,” Blaine shrugs, “then it’s all worthwhile. Although I was making more scratch when creepy, boot-licking TV execs were into me.”

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