WASHINGTON, D.C. — While many believe John McCain is calling for a break from the presidential campaign to demonstrate both his rocket scientist economical expertise–as opposed to because he’s down in the polls, wants to avoid answering for lies about his campaign manager’s ongoing (until halted this month by the Feds) financial relationship with Freddie Mac, and is afraid of being skewered in Friday’s debate–in actuality, the seventy-one-year-old Republican nominee just really misses his naps.

“All this catastrophe stuff messes with my very busy nap schedule,” McCain reportedly got an intern to help him email rival Barak Obama from one of the Blackberries he helped invent but doesn’t know how to use. “That’s why I want to get back to Washington where guys like Dick Cheney and myself can nap through things like State-of-the-Union speeches and emergency economic summits.”

McCain confided to his opponent that he thought it was critical that they inject partisan presidential politics into the negotiating process.

“I challenge you to do what’s right for this country and meet me in Washington for a photo-op mug-off,” McCain went on to write his rival in his first ever email. “Of course, I’m going to need a nap first.”