Penis snatchers threaten prostate health in Congo

by doglord

KINSHASA, CONGO — A day after Australian researchers reported that frequent masturbation reduces the risk of prostate cancer, a penis-snatching epidemic in Congo threatens to undermine that nation’s prostate health.

Stories of penis snatching are not unusual in West Africa, where witchcraft and superstition-rife religions still flourish. In recent days, new reports of snatching have flooded radio call-in shows here in Congo’s capital. Callers report (or express fears of) having their penises snatched or shrunken by sorcerers, who then demand money in return for the return of their penises.

“This is especially troubling considering how difficult not having a penis makes masturbation,” said Congo’s Minister of Penile Snatching Prevention, Dikimbe Kibaki. “How is a man without a penis supposed to protect his prostate, rubbing his nipples? I don’t think so…though I will give it a go.”

Of grave concern to many is the health of a detached penis. Without normal blood flow, many wondered how the organs would survive.

“My (penis) has a hard enough time surviving as it is,” said Stanley Livingston, of suburban Kinshasa. “It barely gets enough love when it’s attached to me. Who’s going to take care of it now?”

As Livingston noted, not all concern over snatched penises concerned prostate health.

“Not having a healthy prostate is one thing,” said Linvingston. “Being totally dickless is another thing entirely. I’ll never hear the end of it from my wife.”

Others wondered why sorcerers couldn’t have given them a choice of organs to snatch. Many would have gladly parted with pesky appendix or even prostates.

“Why the hell couldn’t they have snatched my damn prostate?” said Desmond Kano, who suffers from an enlarged prostate. “It’s not like you can miss it. These damn sorcerers got it ass backwards…literally.”

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This entry was posted on Thursday, April 24th, 2008 at 3:08 am and is filed under Breaking News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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  1. 1 Caio on December 13, 2015 1:07 pm

    to ArianneFistingIt may shock or intrigue you. Either way it’s good to be iormfned. This is an introduction, including tips on how to do it & important safety reminders.What is Fisting?Most people know what fingering is; whether in the vagina or anus, it’s tremendously enjoyable to stroke someone inside. (Fingers up a man’s anus, if aimed properly, will tickle his prostate gland, which feels AMAZINGLY good just a little tip!). People are generally comfortable with the idea of fingering with more than one finger, but not as many have been exposed to the idea of inserting a whole hand into the vagina or anus which is, in its simplest terms, what fisting is.Yes, it’s anatomically possible, and yes, it CAN be EXTREMELY pleasurable. You generally can get your whole hand inside your partner’s vagina, and some people (male and female) are able to accommodate a hand in their anus. For those who are into massive penetration, nothing is a bigger turn-on. No experience is necessary for either of you; but for vaginal fisting, if your partner is a little roomy, or has given birth in the past, you’ll have an easier time. In any case, you need to start off slow and work your way up … pun intended!A few words of caution before you roll up your sleeves and plunge in: fisting can result in injury to the fistee if not done properly. You do NOT make a fist and ram it home. Fisting is one of the most intimate and complete ways to touch another human being and it is something that has to be worked up to slowly and gently. Not everyone is able or willing to accept fisting … respect that fact and NEVER force participation. In addition, the anus is designed as a one-way system (out) and many members of the medical community argue that any kind of excessive activity that over-stretches the anus can/will result in damage to the area … so, be iormfned and BE CAREFUL!There have been many posts about fisting on bulletin boards … talking about the proper technique, the safety concerns, the fantastic feeling of openness and connection, the magical plane that two people fisting can attain it’s an incredibly intense way to make love.Trust and communication between partners is essential and tons of lube helps a lot, too. Respect your partner’s limits and pain threshold. The following guide is intended for consenting adult partners who wish to engage in this act, and we assume no responsibility for possible injuries caused by, or to, those attempting it.Some safety issuesFirst of all, cut and file all your nails until every finger is as smooth as it could possibly be. Your fingers will be in some very delicate places places that may not have pain receptors. You want to make sure you minimize all chance of causing damage.Use latex gloves. AIDS is a matter of life and death.For anal fisting, you will probably want to clean your bottom’s GI tract out. What else are enemas for? Be gentle with enemas warm water is best. DO NOT use detergent in enemas.Okay, now how do you do it?Get her/him ready.Make sure your partner is relaxed, turned on, and comfortable. When a woman becomes aroused, her vagina relaxes, expands and lengthens; all very important for accommodating a fist.For anal fisting, the anus must be similarly relaxed. If the receiver is not relaxed, forcing a large object like a fist in could be very painful so make sure to relax, and take it slowly.Use lube.Even the wettest vagina can use some extra juice during fisting; the more, the better. The anus produces no natural lubricant, so an artificial one is MANDATORY! A latex glove can also reduce friction and is a good idea for safer sex purposes.Use LOTS (and I mean lots) of lube. Push it in with your fingers. Make a huge mess. Get it all over your hand, the back of your hand, between your fingers. Keep applying it as you go. You can’t have too much lube. (And remember, oil-based lubricants dissolve latex).Some people like KY jelly others say it dries out too quickly; Astroglide (available in North America) is a water-soluble lubricant which holds up well to continuous use. In the UK, a substance called Aqueous Cream is the cre8me de la cre8me. Others use J-Lube, which is a powdered concentrate that when added to water produces incredibly slippery goo; it’s sold in veterinary supply houses! (Some people still use Crisco with latex gloves, on the theory that the Crisco is just the best lube, and the gloves don’t break down that fast. This is risky, but it’s an option.)Start slow.Start with one or two fingers and work your way up to three and then four. Most people need some time to further relax their muscles, and some may require several stretching sessions, over weeks or even months, before you can actually get your whole hand in.Go slowly. Start with one finger and work up. DON’T RUSH. Be sensitive to your partner’s feelings. You are trying to persuade part of their body to open for you, to admit part of you deeply inside it. The energy will move back and forth, and you’ll ride it, coaxing and pushing, in and out, moving your partner into a trance. Keep communicating with your partner; help them to relax and demonstrate some empathy if they are a little uncomfortable at first.If this is anal fisting and your partner’s anus suddenly hits their limit, you’ll know; their orifice will clench tight-shut suddenly. DON’T PULL OUT. Stay right where you are until the contraction ends, THEN start pulling out. You can pull a muscle or two if you try to back out in the middle of a reaction like that. If this happens, it’s OK; you’ll know to go slower next time (if you both want to try again). But assuming all is well Duck inside.When you reach five fingers, you’re almost there. Now is when you want to be most sensitive and most aware. Your partner is going to be flying on pain and pleasure; a sudden flinch and you’ll find the vagina or anus doesn’t want you anymore. If so, respect that and pull out (slowly!). But if your partner wants it, then you’ll slip your knuckles inside, folding your thumb *inside* your fingers, and your hand will NATURALLY form an elongated fist (think of the shape of a duck’s beak) you DON’T need to clench your hand or anything else! (Note: be careful with your nails as you form a fist). This makes your hand into a wedge shape that allows you to gradually stretch your partner open as you press on. Apply steady but slow pressure.Let her/him lead.Listen to your partner and let her/him tell you when to push, when to back off, when to add more fingers, and when it’s too much. Fisting can cause muscle and tissue injuries if you go too fast or too hard. Some discomfort during fisting is normal, but you have to take her/his word on the difference between a good hurt and a bad hurt.All the way in.The knuckles are the widest part of the hand and the most difficult part to get past the opening of the vagina/anus. You’ll probably run into resistance at that point. Wait until your partner is ready before making the big push. She/he may be able to help by bearing down (as if giving birth or in a bowel movement). Once your knuckles slip past the ring of muscles around the vaginal/anal entrance, the pressure will ease off. Now roll your hand into a fist.Voila!At this point, your partner may or may not want you to make gentle pumping movements with your hand inside her/him, or stimulate her clit/penis etc. Fisting can produce extremely intense sensations, so ask her/him what feels good. When you’re done, make your hand into the wedge shape again, and gently slide out slowly and naturally!Now the real fun begins explore, entice, pleasure your partner’s vagina or bottom

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