Airline: Gun fired on plane “accidental,” pilot “merely brandishing to impress for sex”

by doglord

Turns out the gun that discharged “accidentally” in a US Air cockpit recently was no big deal. 

A statement released today by the airliner sought to reassure the public that “…while the gun was not in the pilot’s luggage when it discharged” as had been previously reported, “all the pilot who fired it was doing was demonstrating bravado in order to get some sex.”

The airline agreed that, like the face-shooting “hunting” incident involving Vice President Dick Cheney “there were some beers.” Still, the company maintained, “at no time was the flight crew doing shots of duty-free Jägermeister.”

This despite accounts by disgruntled passengers of empty bottles of duty-free Jäger flying in the “general direction” of a nude flight attendant fleeing the cockpit subsequent to the pistol’s firing, but prior to the plane’s landing.

“Usually, our pilots might horse around, landing ‘no hands’ while wearing S&M hoods to impress the ladies, that sort of thing,” said airline representatives. “This episode is a bit out of the ordinary for us and the public can rest assured we looked into it and found it to be the least of the public’s worries.”

“Nevertheless,” airline reps insisted, “at no time were passengers threatened by sudden decompression of the cabin, because the pilot actually passed out over the bullet hole in the jet’s fuselage.”

Topic: Breaking News | Tags: , , , ,
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