WASHINGTON DC — In a stunning coincidence, former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan not only jumped to the top of Amazon’s best seller list today, but to the number one position on the FBI’s Most Wanted list.
“Wanted, dead or alive,” said current White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, echoing the President’s declaration regarding another pain in the White House’s ass.
“Though Karl Rove, Scooter Libby and Vice President Cheney have yet to concoct ways to screw Scott McClellan for criticizing them — beyond getting him on this list, of course — they will. Just ask Valerie Plame.”
Washington insiders are speculating that McClellan could be shot in the face as early as today, contingent on the Vice President’s schedule.
“False pretenses?” an incredulous Perino asked the White House press pool, referring to McClellan’s characterization of Bush’s justifications for going to war with Iraq.
“We’ll show that little shlub false pretenses,” Perino continued. “I speak for Karl Rove when I say I’ve got two words for Scotty regarding false pretenses: Don Siegelman. See if false pretenses kept him out of jail.”
In related news, Osama bin Laden is said to be penning his own tell-all book about the Bush family’s ties to the bin Ladens, in hopes of regaining his number one position atop the FBI’s Most Wanted list.
“I deserve to #1 American mostly wanted,” said bin Laden, via a pet parrot that also told a Japanese veterinarian the GPS coordinates to the jihadi’s Waziristan hideout.
White House allies were quick to dismiss the parrot’s information regarding bin Laden’s whereabouts.
“Osama who?” said Ari Fleisher, the White House Press Secretary prior to McClellan. “If I know the Bush White House — and I do know the Bush White House — they’re focused on what they should be for the good of the American people: trashing that chubby little prick of a lying spokesperson replacement for this chubby little prick of a lying spokesperson.”