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ACT OF GOD MISSES THE MARK
SHAMROCK, TX — While the heavens opened up over West Texas last week wreaking havoc on countless homes and businesses, the act of God actually missed its mark.
Read on →After 6-Way Kidney Transplant, Docs Seek “One Measly Brain” For President Bush
A day after six generous organ donors made possible a mix-and-match transplant of multiple kidneys to needy recipients, doctors were seeking donors for another desperately-needed organ transplant — a brain, this time — for the President of the United States.
“His kidneys are cool,” said noted neurosurgeon, Dr. Larry Terry, of Venice Home-Schooled Surgical Guild. “But [...]
Airline: Gun fired on plane “accidental,” pilot “merely brandishing to impress for sex”
Turns out the gun that discharged “accidentally” in a US Air cockpit recently was no big deal.
A statement released today by the airliner sought to reassure the public that “…while the gun was not in the pilot’s luggage when it discharged” as had been previously reported, “all the pilot who fired it was doing was [...]
Airport Nipple Ring Incident Inspires Area Man
VENICE, CA — When is a humiliating nipple-ring-removal-at-airport-security-checkpoint incident actually a good thing?
The short answer: Never…or when it doesn’t happen to you. The long answer (that appears short): When it inspires us to greatness.
That’s exactly what it did for South Venice hobbyist and inventor Larry Terry, who turned the plight of one mortified female flier [...]
Amerikan Traditionalist
Kevin Hinton
Occupations: Tattoo Artist & Owner, Old Glory Tattoo, Venice, CA
Preoccupations: American Traditional tattoos and Iron Man triathlons
AMONG THE SWINGERS
VENICE, CA— Never have I witnessed the depravity I witnessed among the swingers…
That was going to be my opener. But then I didn’t really witness any depravity among the swingers and thought to reconsider. (I did. I’m sticking with my gut.)
As it turns out, the swingers I met all seemed surprisingly normal for sex maniacs. [...]
Bigfoot Monster Grey Area For PETA
Representatives for bigfoot announced today that the monsters are livid with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA.
“Again and again we see PETA defending chinchillas from being skinned for hooker furs, or raving about all the lipstick being put on pigs by the beauty industry. Yet there’s a resounding silence where bigfeet are [...]
Breakthroughs by Scientists On Brain-Boost Drugs Nullified
In the wake of reports that over 20 percent of scientists use brain-boosting drugs, the Intl. Science Committee (ISC) announced today that results of any and all science performed with the aid of such drugs would be thrown out: “All breakthroughs, discoveries and cures achieved by cheating are hereby nullified…even if they do cure cancer,” said ISC spokesperson, Dr. Lucius Taint. “Our regrets to those with cancer; best get your affairs in order.”
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BUFF MONSTER ÜBER ALLEYS
VENICE, CA — Can’t keep a good Buff Monster down. Despite the best efforts and baser inclinations of passing taggers, Buff Monster again reigns supreme at the intersection of Hampton and Indiana.
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C’s FOR CYBELE WITH HER GOREY TATTOO
VENICE, CA — A tattoo of two children hitting each other over the head with croquet mallets graces Cybele O’Brien’s left shoulder. It’s an illustration by that master of morbid, Edward Gorey, from his book The Epiplectic Bicycle.
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