Pentagon Gets Corporate Sponsors, New Name: KBR-Halliburton-Blackwater Center on 2518 2008

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ARLINGTON, VA—First it was America’s sports stadiums that got corporate make-overs and skyboxes. Now it’s the country’s military installations. A spokesman for the military announced today that the armed forces will soon relocate from their current premises in the Pentagon to cut costs and make way for a make-over by the corporations actually waging the nation’s wars.

Couple caught doing it in confessional told that’s only for priests on 2411 2008

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CESENA, ITALY — An Italian couple caught having sex in a church confessional during morning Mass have apologized after being told that playing hide the holy cannoli in confessionals is is only for the clergy.

Fox News Calls for “Terrorist Fist Jab” Internment Camps on 2410 2008

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NEW YORK, NY — A week after correctly guessing that Barak Obama’s celebratory fist bump with his wife after securing the Democratic Party’s nomination for president, was, in fact a “terrorist fist jab,” Fox News is calling for the construction of hundreds of terrorist fist jab interment camps across the U.S.

McCain to hawk speechmaking DVD on 236 2008

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NEW ORLEANS, LA — Having left audiences nationwide slack-jawed and dumbstruck by his Tuesday night speech before a green backdrop that makes it a snap to superimpose porno on, Republican senator and presidential hopeful John “That Weird Smile” McCain plans to cash in on the buzz he’s created by marketing a speechmaking DVD.

McCain adopts newer slogan: “I’m the white guy” on 235 2008

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Days after co-opting the new campaign slogan “A leader we can believe in” from the Obama campaign, the McCain campaign is ditching it for a more concise message: “I’m the white guy.”

Man in Thong Mask Denies Armed Robbery, Decries Persecution on 234 2008

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VENICE. CA — A man considered “a person of interest” by Denver-area authorities investigating the armed robbery of an area convenience store by men in thong masks says he’s innocent and decries the persecution of people who wear thong masks. A Dogtown Ink exclusive video.

‘N Sync creator’s next act: B’hind Barz on 2121 2008

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Sentenced Wednesday to 25 years in federal prison for scamming scores of seniors out of their life savings, Lou Pearlman, the chubby/creepy/purvy dude responsible for the boy band plague was positively upbeat. “Talk about ‘Don’t throw me in the briar patch,'” said Pearlman.

Vatican: OK to believe in aliens (merger with Scientology in the works) on 2014 2008

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VATICAN CITY — The Vatican said yesterday that it’s okay for the faithful to believe in space aliens — paving the way for a rumored merger with the Church of Scientology.

100 Coed Drug Dealers Busted! (20 Million Others Still Open for Business) on 199 2008

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SAN DIEGO, CA — One hundred college students were busted here this week for selling drugs…inducing a sigh of relief from the 20 million other college students selling drugs everywhere else who weren’t busted.

The 5 (Other) Mistakes Clinton Made on 198 2008

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Today Time magazine listed the five mistakes Hillary Clinton made in her failed attempt to win the Democratic party’s nomination for president — and got it all wrong. Here are the 5 REAL reasons her campaign screwed the pooch.

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