Dogtown Ink

SHAFTER, CA — Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska today announced her decision to abandon her run for vice president in order to head the Republican ticket. “The way Senator McCain talks about they didn’t elect him Miss Congeniality,” Palin said, “he deserves to win it before he gets any older and crankier.”

VENICE, CA — The premature McCain Wins Debate! advertisement that appeared on presidential candidate John McCain’s website today turns out to have merely been the tip of the iceberg! Dogtown Ink has come into possession of a whole slew of additional McCain ads. Seems the cocky candidate is prepared for all kinds of premature ejaculations.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — While many believe John McCain is calling for a break from the presidential campaign to demonstrate both his rocket scientist economical expertise–as opposed to because he’s down in the polls, wants to avoid answering for lies about his campaign manager’s ongoing (until halted this month by the Feds) financial relationship with Freddie Mac, and is afraid of being skewered in Friday’s debate–in actuality, the seventy-one-year-old Republican nominee just really misses his naps.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Doctors here today raced to repair John McCain after the notoriously hot-tempered Senator repeatedly shot himself in the foot in recent days. “Not only that,” said forensic podiatrist Dr. Saul Bunyon, “He stuffed it in his mouth. Repeatedly. Ick.”

VENICE, CA – World-renowned maverick-hunter Billy-Tim Hormel today joined the millions of Americans wondering WTF happened to so-called maverick Senator John McCain, and vowed to bring his full portfolio of maverick hunting skills to the search for the real McCoy…or McCain.

VENICE, CA — On the same day presidential hopeful John McCain likened his opponent Barak Obama to celebutant Paris Hilton, Dogtownink.com received this video (CLICK “READ ON” BELOW TO VIEW) of John McCain and Paris Hilton cavorting together, enjoying the benefits of the same Bush tax cuts for the wealthy that McCain has vowed to extend.

Days after co-opting the new campaign slogan “A leader we can believe in” from the Obama campaign, the McCain campaign is ditching it for a more concise message: “I’m the white guy.”