MARINA DEL REY, CA — The Environmental Protection Agency today placed watermelon on the endangered species list after reports that the fleshy fruit is nature’s Viagra sparked hoarding and riots in Marina Del Rey, Calif, home to the world’s largest concentration of aging horn dogs.
VENICE, CA — Inventor Cary Sperry has an answer for California drivers who can no longer make or take calls now that it’s illegal to use a hand-held cellphone while driving. His patent-pending innovation features “jaw-strap technology” that turns your existing cellphone into a hands-free device — simply by taping it to your head.
NEW YORK, NY — The three bears reportedly scared from a New Jersey backyard by a cocker spaniel puppy have come forward with a very different account of events. “First off, we’re grown men — albeit really hairy gay ones…”
LOS ANGLES, CA—A day after 52-year-old Los Angeles traffic officer Macrida Patterson filed suit against Victoria’s Secret, claiming a decorative jewel from one of the company’s thongs had shot into her eye, scratching her cornea and causing her to cry out in pain, a California man has joined the lawsuit, claiming the same model thong “really hurt my balls.”
Naked Woman in Cheney’s Glasses Actually Naked Man on 1511 2008
VENICE, CA – Turns out theories regarding the reflection in Vice President Cheney’s sunglasses that has sent the bloggo-sphere into a tizzy are all wrong: It’s not the reflection of a naked woman, it’s a nude dude.
Airport Nipple Ring Incident Inspires Area Man on 141 2008
VENICE, CA — When is a humiliating nipple-ring-removal-at-
airport-security-checkpoint incident actually a good thing? The short answer: Never.
Universal Health Care…In The Water! on 109 2008
“A vast array of pharmaceuticals — including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones — have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans,” according to AP writers.
Grocers and hardware retailers nationwide have seen a run on house cleaning products after a report was released early today showing males who perform housework get more sex.
Thirty-nine-time Cy Young Award-winning pitcher Roger Clemens returned to Capitol Hill today, repeating denials that he used performance enhancing drugs before dropping to the floor for 300 clapping push-ups and punching out everyone on the panel.
Foot-Binding Theory Mezmerizes Bigfoot Community on 066 2008
It came to the longtime bigfoot hunter in a flash… Eugene Geewilliker, of Hope, AK, awoke late one September 2007 Sunday morning to strange noises outside his doublewide. “I immediately suspected bigfoot.”