LITTLE ROCK, Ark. – Wal-Mart kicked off its new, employee “Vote Stupid” campaign recently by calling managers to mandatory meetings where they were encouraged to be, well, stupider.
Wal-Mart to Employees: Vote Stupid! on 311 2008
McCain and Paris Hilton caught together in video on 3130 2008
VENICE, CA — On the same day presidential hopeful John McCain likened his opponent Barak Obama to celebutant Paris Hilton, Dogtownink.com received this video (CLICK “READ ON” BELOW TO VIEW) of John McCain and Paris Hilton cavorting together, enjoying the benefits of the same Bush tax cuts for the wealthy that McCain has vowed to extend.
Auto industry’s surprise job boom: gas syphoning, catalytic converter boosting top list on 2917 2008
VENICE, CA — Despite plummeting sales, plant closings and massive lay-offs, analysts say the automotive industry is actually experiencing strong job growth, fueled by a thriving smash-and-grab sector and industrious gas re-salers.
MARINA DEL REY, CA — The Environmental Protection Agency today placed watermelon on the endangered species list after reports that the fleshy fruit is nature’s Viagra sparked hoarding and riots in Marina Del Rey, Calif, home to the world’s largest concentration of aging horn dogs.
Reward offered for Obama’s stolen ‘fro on 2812 2008
VENICE, CA — Candidate Barak Obama’s afro was stolen here today in a sign that the 2008 presidential campaign has grown increasingly hairy–after its recent lipsticky phase. “You may boost a brother’s do-rag,” said Obama supporter, 50 Cent. “You do not steal his ‘fro.”
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CA — President Bush’s stimulus package is definitely doing some stimulating: According to AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), since the stimulus checks were sent out in May, many porn websites have reported membership increases of up to 30 percent.
VENICE, CA — Inventor Cary Sperry has an answer for California drivers who can no longer make or take calls now that it’s illegal to use a hand-held cellphone while driving. His patent-pending innovation features “jaw-strap technology” that turns your existing cellphone into a hands-free device — simply by taping it to your head.
NEW YORK, NY — The three bears reportedly scared from a New Jersey backyard by a cocker spaniel puppy have come forward with a very different account of events. “First off, we’re grown men — albeit really hairy gay ones…”
LOS ANGLES, CA—A day after 52-year-old Los Angeles traffic officer Macrida Patterson filed suit against Victoria’s Secret, claiming a decorative jewel from one of the company’s thongs had shot into her eye, scratching her cornea and causing her to cry out in pain, a California man has joined the lawsuit, claiming the same model thong “really hurt my balls.”
ARLINGTON, VA—First it was America’s sports stadiums that got corporate make-overs and skyboxes. Now it’s the country’s military installations. A spokesman for the military announced today that the armed forces will soon relocate from their current premises in the Pentagon to cut costs and make way for a make-over by the corporations actually waging the nation’s wars.