100 Coed Drug Dealers Busted! (20 Million Others Still Open for Business) on 199 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

SAN DIEGO, CA — One hundred college students were busted here this week for selling drugs…inducing a sigh of relief from the 20 million other college students selling drugs everywhere else who weren’t busted.

The 5 (Other) Mistakes Clinton Made on 198 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

Today Time magazine listed the five mistakes Hillary Clinton made in her failed attempt to win the Democratic party’s nomination for president — and got it all wrong. Here are the 5 REAL reasons her campaign screwed the pooch.

Men are from Big Macs, Women are from Celery on 1724 2008

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Researchers in Britain are reporting today that women who consume mass quantities tend to conceive boys, while those who eat only popcorn produce girls. “You ladies who want boys best like big butts,” said the study’s lead researcher, Neville Pynch. “You want a baby girl, step away from the refrigerator.”

Researchers prove masturbation reduces risk of cancer…and there is a God after all! on 1722 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

In demonstrating that men who masturbate more frequently are less likely to develop prostate cancer, Australian researchers have finally proven there is, in fact, a God.

HOLY TRIFECTA! Whole Holy Trinity in IHOP Breakfast! on 1721 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

VENICE, CA — A Venice man got a wake-up call from Heaven this weekend when not one but all three members of the Holy Trinity appeared in his Lumbjack Special at the Lincoln Boulevard IHOP. “I had just had a night of pretty heavy, well, sinning,” said Lance Francis.

After 6-Way Kidney Transplant, Docs Seek “One Measly Brain” For President Bush on 1510 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

A day after six selfless organ donors made possible a mix-and-match transplant of multiple kidneys to needy recipients, doctors were seeking donors for another desperately-needed organ transplant — a brain, this time — for the President of the United States.

Space Station Robot Gets Arms, Eyes — Awaits Johnson on 1218 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

Now that astronauts have successfully attached arms and camera “eyes” to the International Space Station’s new robot Dextre (for Dextrous Manipulator), all that’s left is the package.

Vatican Appends Appended List of Sins on 1112 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

Oops! The Vatican did it again! A day after updating its original sins with modern sins like polluting and pushing drugs, the Vatican is back with eight more modern sins.

Report Showing Men Who Do Housework Get More Sex Causes Run on Home Cleaning Products on 106 2008

by doglord | ˜ 3 Comments »

Grocers and hardware retailers nationwide have seen a run on house cleaning products after a report was released early today showing males who perform housework get more sex.

It’s 3 a.m. The phone rings… It’s Bill Clinton. He wants to party… on 104 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

“Hey, Sweet Cakes, what you wearin’?”

These are the words I hear, spoken in a familiar voice —Arkansas twang, erudite — when I answer my phone one recent late, late night.

“Disgraced former president Bill Clinton?”

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