Reward offered for Obama’s stolen ‘fro on 2812 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

VENICE, CA — Candidate Barak Obama’s afro was stolen here today in a sign that the 2008 presidential campaign has grown increasingly hairy–after its recent lipsticky phase. “You may boost a brother’s do-rag,” said Obama supporter, 50 Cent. “You do not steal his ‘fro.”

Money shot in the arm: stimulus checks used for porn on 272 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CA — President Bush’s stimulus package is definitely doing some stimulating: According to AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), since the stimulus checks were sent out in May, many porn websites have reported membership increases of up to 30 percent.

Fox News Calls for “Terrorist Fist Jab” Internment Camps on 2410 2008

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NEW YORK, NY — A week after correctly guessing that Barak Obama’s celebratory fist bump with his wife after securing the Democratic Party’s nomination for president, was, in fact a “terrorist fist jab,” Fox News is calling for the construction of hundreds of terrorist fist jab interment camps across the U.S.

Rep. Rohrbacher’s interrogation-by-panty-hat obsession explained on 236 2008

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WASH. D.C. — Puzzling many, illustrious conservative congressman Dana Rohrbacher (R-CA) managed to poo-poo panty hat torture eight times Wednesday during House Foreign Affairs Committee hearings on harsh interrogation tactics.

Screw ’em-gate: Hillary’s secret Tourette’s agony exposed! on 1617 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

After evidence emerged today that, in 1995, Hillary Clinton told then-President Bill Clinton “screw ’em” in reference to working class southerners, she insisted that she once fought and won an agonizing, private battle with Tourette’s syndrome.

Clinton to Continue Campaign After Convention, Election, Immolation of Earth by Sun on 157 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

Despite mounting pressure from Democratic party leaders for Hillary Clinton to end her campaign to be the party’s nominee for president, Hillary Clinton today insisted she has “no intention whatsoever of quitting the race…ever.”