Dogtown Ink

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. – Wal-Mart kicked off its new, employee “Vote Stupid” campaign recently by calling managers to mandatory meetings where they were encouraged to be, well, stupider.

VENICE, CA — On the same day presidential hopeful John McCain likened his opponent Barak Obama to celebutant Paris Hilton, Dogtownink.com received this video (CLICK “READ ON” BELOW TO VIEW) of John McCain and Paris Hilton cavorting together, enjoying the benefits of the same Bush tax cuts for the wealthy that McCain has vowed to extend.

VENICE, CA — David, the subject of Michelangelo’s world-renowned sculpture, may have slain Goliath back in the BC, but after a few short months on a whirlwind American art tour, he’s succumbed to a more powerful foe: double-meat double-cheese with curly fries.

SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CA — President Bush’s stimulus package is definitely doing some stimulating: According to AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), since the stimulus checks were sent out in May, many porn websites have reported membership increases of up to 30 percent.

ARLINGTON, VA—First it was America’s sports stadiums that got corporate make-overs and skyboxes. Now it’s the country’s military installations. A spokesman for the military announced today that the armed forces will soon relocate from their current premises in the Pentagon to cut costs and make way for a make-over by the corporations actually waging the nation’s wars.

PALO ALTO, CA — The hairy beast two men recently dragged from the Georgia woods believing it to be a mythical Bigfoot monster turns out instead to be legendary porn actor Ron Jeremy.

CESENA, ITALY — An Italian couple caught having sex in a church confessional during morning Mass have apologized after being told that playing hide the holy cannoli in confessionals is is only for the clergy.

NEW YORK, NY — A week after correctly guessing that Barak Obama’s celebratory fist bump with his wife after securing the Democratic Party’s nomination for president, was, in fact a “terrorist fist jab,” Fox News is calling for the construction of hundreds of terrorist fist jab interment camps across the U.S.

NEW ORLEANS, LA — Having left audiences nationwide slack-jawed and dumbstruck by his Tuesday night speech before a green backdrop that makes it a snap to superimpose porno on, Republican senator and presidential hopeful John “That Weird Smile” McCain plans to cash in on the buzz he’s created by marketing a speechmaking DVD.

WASH. D.C. — Puzzling many, illustrious conservative congressman Dana Rohrbacher (R-CA) managed to poo-poo panty hat torture eight times Wednesday during House Foreign Affairs Committee hearings on harsh interrogation tactics.