100 Coed Drug Dealers Busted! (20 Million Others Still Open for Business) on 199 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

SAN DIEGO, CA — One hundred college students were busted here this week for selling drugs…inducing a sigh of relief from the 20 million other college students selling drugs everywhere else who weren’t busted.

The 5 (Other) Mistakes Clinton Made on 198 2008

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Today Time magazine listed the five mistakes Hillary Clinton made in her failed attempt to win the Democratic party’s nomination for president — and got it all wrong. Here are the 5 REAL reasons her campaign screwed the pooch.

Men are from Big Macs, Women are from Celery on 1724 2008

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Researchers in Britain are reporting today that women who consume mass quantities tend to conceive boys, while those who eat only popcorn produce girls. “You ladies who want boys best like big butts,” said the study’s lead researcher, Neville Pynch. “You want a baby girl, step away from the refrigerator.”

Penis snatchers threaten prostate health in Congo on 1724 2008

by doglord | ˜ 18 Comments »

KINSHASA, CONGO — A day after Australian researchers reported that frequent masturbation reduces the risk of prostate cancer, a penis-snatching epidemic in Congo threatens to undermine that nation’s prostate health.

Researchers prove masturbation reduces risk of cancer…and there is a God after all! on 1722 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

In demonstrating that men who masturbate more frequently are less likely to develop prostate cancer, Australian researchers have finally proven there is, in fact, a God.

After 6-Way Kidney Transplant, Docs Seek “One Measly Brain” For President Bush on 1510 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

A day after six selfless organ donors made possible a mix-and-match transplant of multiple kidneys to needy recipients, doctors were seeking donors for another desperately-needed organ transplant — a brain, this time — for the President of the United States.

Soccer Games Becoming “Major Distraction” for Fan Brawls on 1111 2008

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Will pure soccer hooligans ever be able to enjoy a lawless conflagration without having to deal with the unnecessary distraction of a bunch of twinks prancing around a playing field in kneepants?”

Jailed Polygamist Leader One of Cellmate’s Multiple B****s on 0929 2008

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Despite serving 10 years to life in the Utah State Prison for polygamous-related behavior, famed polygamist leader Warren Jeffs continues the practice — in a manner of speaking.

Carrot Top Next To Recreate Marilyn Monroe’s Final Nude Photo Shoot on 0925 2008

by doglord | ˜ 2 Comments »

Not one to be one-upped by Lindsey Lohan, freaky D-list personality Carrot Top has announced that he, too, will recreate Marilyn Monroe’s famed last nude photo shoot.

David Blaine Thrills By Escaping Notice! on 0823 2008

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With his latest nauseating feat of public masochism, master escape artist David Blaine has finally accomplished what many have waited with baited breath for the prestidigitator to do: He’s completely escaped notice!

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