Vatican Appends Appended List of Sins on 1112 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

Oops! The Vatican did it again! A day after updating its original sins with modern sins like polluting and pushing drugs, the Vatican is back with eight more modern sins.

Soccer Games Becoming “Major Distraction” for Fan Brawls on 1111 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

Will pure soccer hooligans ever be able to enjoy a lawless conflagration without having to deal with the unnecessary distraction of a bunch of twinks prancing around a playing field in kneepants?”

Universal Health Care…In The Water! on 109 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

“A vast array of pharmaceuticals — including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones — have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans,” according to AP writers.

Report Showing Men Who Do Housework Get More Sex Causes Run on Home Cleaning Products on 106 2008

by doglord | ˜ 3 Comments »

Grocers and hardware retailers nationwide have seen a run on house cleaning products after a report was released early today showing males who perform housework get more sex.

It’s 3 a.m. The phone rings… It’s Bill Clinton. He wants to party… on 104 2008

by doglord | ˜ 1 Comment »

“Hey, Sweet Cakes, what you wearin’?”

These are the words I hear, spoken in a familiar voice —Arkansas twang, erudite — when I answer my phone one recent late, late night.

“Disgraced former president Bill Clinton?”

Jailed Polygamist Leader One of Cellmate’s Multiple B****s on 0929 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

Despite serving 10 years to life in the Utah State Prison for polygamous-related behavior, famed polygamist leader Warren Jeffs continues the practice — in a manner of speaking.

Carrot Top Next To Recreate Marilyn Monroe’s Final Nude Photo Shoot on 0925 2008

by doglord | ˜ 2 Comments »

Not one to be one-upped by Lindsey Lohan, freaky D-list personality Carrot Top has announced that he, too, will recreate Marilyn Monroe’s famed last nude photo shoot.

David Blaine Thrills By Escaping Notice! on 0823 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

With his latest nauseating feat of public masochism, master escape artist David Blaine has finally accomplished what many have waited with baited breath for the prestidigitator to do: He’s completely escaped notice!

Microsoft to Acquire Liechtenstein on 0716 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

Microsoft today announced its intention to acquire the land-locked alpine principality of Liechtenstein.

International Dork-on-X-treme-Pogo-Stick Institute: Hospital Food “Not So Good” on 0715 2008

by doglord | ˜ No Comments »

“I can’t honestly say whether or not hospital food is good or not because I’m being fed through a tube,” Clark continued blinking. “But it smells like ass. I can still smell.”

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